I was reflecting on the appropriate time to defend oneself and came across this article (see below), slightly off subject. From time to time in ministry you have people who judge you for a perceived offense you did “against them.” Now often there is some fault on the part of the leader. But when the person talks to everyone and anyone but you, you never have a chance to confront the issue, determine the facts (because often the facts are distorted, that’s why they won’t talk to you or get a 3rd party involved), and seek appropriate Jesus-based responses to a conflict.
So when do you confront? Or should you? I have pretty much determined that after reaching out, unless others involved actually do the Biblical thing and come to me sharing the hurt, asking for my side of a conflict story, then confronting pretty much is about me feeling better than bringing resolution. Jesus conflict resolution tells us that we are to FIRST go to the person we feel has wronged us. If you are not willing to do that, but are talking to others, regardless of the offense issue, there is a new sin issue involved – relationship destruction.
Again should one confront? I think for leaders it comes down to is this damaging the church or just my ego? If the church, then once a certain threshold is reached it’s time to confront in love.
One of things about leadership and lead pastoring is that many think they can do this job. However few have had experiences of having their words twisted and flat out being lied about in a professional context. If you can’t handle that heat and still love people then FT ministry is the last place you should head to.
SO if you feel the need to always get the last word, cut people off when offended (before confronting them and agreeing or disagreeing on a resolution), and can’t let stuff go (because you will be lied about and have your words twisted – even when you’re not at fault – and of course you will sin and make mistakes too) – then say yourself a lot of pain – avoid ministry.
HOWEVER if you have hope and a drive and passion that lifts you up and causes you to serve even in the toughest times. Maybe there is something there worth pursuing.
Speaking from my burned often and always needing the Healer’s power, heart…
OK So…
How to Avoid Pastoral “Brain Drain”
Orginally published on Monday, April 30, 2007 at 7:24 AM
by Todd Rhoades
Ever feel totally brain-dead? Tired? Frustrated? Incapable of making a decision? In his book, “Practicing Greatness,” Reggie McNeal describes three “brain killers” that deserve special attention for each and every pastor and church leader…1) Negative people. Leaders need to be aware that when they allow themselves to be consumed by negative people (who seem so often inclined to seek them out), they allow precious mental, emotional, and spiritual energy to be drained off from other leadership pursuits. Obviously, leaders can’t totally avoid negative people, but they can deflect their negativity by creating a mental boundary. So acknowledge their destructive, energy-sapping perspective, but stay on your side of the wall. And adopt a strategy of surrounding yourself with positive people as a proactive strategy.
2) Disorganization. Disorganization is a major brain drain. Not only does it consume time (“It’s right here—somewhere”) but it also raises anxiety (“What am I forgetting?”), which is another major cause of brain drain. Even leaders who don’t count administration as a strength can make sure they don’t sabotage their efforts through a lack of organization. They do this by recruiting someone to help them, by availing themselves of technology, and by deciding to expend enough personal effort to get sufficiently organized.
This discussion is not intended to make you feel guilty for finding organization to be a challenge—you just want to defend against having a level of disorganization that creates a brain drain. Of course, some disorganized people don’t even know this is a problem. Their way of life just feels normal to them. You can check this by asking your administrative assistant or a coworker who has exposure to your work habits to tell you if disorganization is something you should work on.
3) Tendency to second-guess decisions. Some spiritual leaders waste energy when they allow nagging doubts, compounded by self-blame, to dog them if things don’t go the way they anticipated when they made a decision. Depending on personality and cognitive style, leaders need differing amounts of information and lead times in order to make decisions. But once decisions are made, the best leaders practice little second-guessing. “Would I have made the same decision with the same information I had at the time?” is a good question for leaders to ask themselves when tempted to second-guess. If the answer is yes, then the leader can move on. If the answer is no, then the issues is to find a better way to make decisions (which McNeal talks about later in the book)…
Question for you to consider today: Which of these “brain-drainers” cause you the most stress in your ministry? How have you dealt with them? Drop me a line at trhoades@mondaymorninginsight.com, and let me know what you’re thinking.
Have a great week!
“Watchdogging the Watchdogs
Orginally published on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 4:02 AM
by Todd Rhoades
Scott has a fascinating article over at his Verum Serum blog. Her writes… As the issues connected to Christian “watch-dogging” have heated up, I have become more and more fascinated with the whole concept of people feeling as though they have been called upon (by God) to keep watch over the rest of us. Mind you, I’m not speaking of the “pastors as shepherds of their flock” kind of watching, but more along the lines of the “Big Brother is watching you” kind of watching…
John’s excellent post about John Macarthur and his upcoming book Truth War gives clear evidence as to just how high up the “watch-dogging” craze goes. When prominent Church leaders begin to advocate a “devil in our midst” philosophy (no pun intended), then the lower ranks may take their lead and begin seeing the devil everywhere as well. Think Salem Witch trials but without the burning at the stake (at least not yet)…
According to the proponents of these “discernment” ministries, almost everything that is happening in the American Christian church is bad/negative/apostate in some form or another…
In their minds, these people are the faithful remnant while the vast majority of people involved in the American Church have abandoned Christ. From their perspective, this wholesale apostasy leaves only the few who REALLY know and REALLLY understand how Christianity is REALLY supposed to work, leaving the rest of us out in the cold and in the Dark.
But how do these “watch-doggies” end up where they are at, believing themselves to be among the few faithful while the overwhelming majority of the Church (at least in the States) are traveling down the road to ruin? I would suggest one possibility – They have tickled their own ears.
Click here to continue to read Scott’s great article on Watchdogging the Watchdogs…
Then, come back here to MMI… I’d love to hear your comments on this one… “